you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
