I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
