he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
