If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
