She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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