dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
