theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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