Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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