I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
