I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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