You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
