I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're too hungover to prance.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize