Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
