so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
