Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize