Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this boner is exhausting
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
