I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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