I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
