I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
