I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
