I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
