Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
