just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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