but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
