what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
