I bet he comes in French.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
