Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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