Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
