I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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