Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
