i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
