i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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