you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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