No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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