dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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