i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
