so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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