The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
