I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize