why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
