Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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