I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
