Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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