I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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