I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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