I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize