I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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