She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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