I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
