I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
