i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
