I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
