you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
