I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
