I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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