Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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