So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
