no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
