I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
