i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have aggressive nipples.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
