Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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