i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
