I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
