i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
