There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
