I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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