Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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