Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize