Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
