Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
